my life

AAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Just come in from taking child number 5 to nursery and the bloody dog has ripped the bin bag in the kitchen to pieces. I have lost my bin. How can you lose a bloody bin?

Postman had also been. Bailiff letter through the door, get in! Oh the joys of life........

Couldn't find anything. I think it is all in my imagination. CHild number 1 can't smell anything either, so will look later. God, you can tell I have stopped smoking. I am gonna have about 565 posts today alone. Just went out into the garage to check the tumble dryer and there is 10 minutes left, so thought ,'i will have a fag wgile I am waiting'. Nightmare

The middle room smells of cat piss. I think I am gonna have go and investigate. George is getting rather old now, so if I find anything, it will probably be him. He is hubbies cat and he doesn't like me, so he always gets the blame. My cat, *Timmy* doesn't even get the blame for anything. He is an angel. The cats are now 12 and 14. They have both been neutered so their whiss shouldn't smell, so it will probably be feline poooooooo. Oh joy. I think I will get the rubber gloves out. Well, here goes..............wish me luck!!!

I have decided to stop smoking today, again. I have my patch on, under my bra. It is the only way I can keep it on. I have decided that every time I want a cigarette, I am going to write in my blog.

I normally smoke when I have a drink so I have also stopped drinking alcohol. I went out last Friday night again and concurently lost 3 days of my life, so that has to stop. It was great though!

Well, the ironing pile is still reproducing. It is threatening to take over the world at the moment. I went through my washing pile aswell last night. I sorted out loads to get rid of and put the rest in the bath. I swear, I filled the bath and doubled it again with over flowing vengence. Some of that stuff has been in there for years. I kept putting piles of washing on my knee and this morning I have come out in some sort of rash. Must be all the dust mites, urghhhh!!!!!!!

Washing machine has just stopped and I can't believe I am still sitting here typing this. Normally I am like a rabbit out of the trap, running for dear life to change loads like a psycho loon. I must be losing my touch. (It minimises wasted laundry time you see!)

Child number 1 is off school today and she is genuinely ill. She asked me how I could tell she wasn't faking. I think she wanted to know so she could practice for when she just can't be arsed to go. God my kids are clever.

All the others are at school, apart from child number 5 of course, my little buddy. He is at nursery this afternoon.

The dog is grunting at the moment. He thinks he can hear someone trying to break in I think. Maybe there is, I hope they have a fetish about stealing washing!

Tara

Alright? Just been to a Halloween party with child number 4. What an experience. It was at her school and the hall was decorated with balloons and the like. My 3 year old doesn't want anything to do with Halloween, coz he recons it is all a bit too scary. I don't blame him. It will give me an excuse to stay at home while husband is out 'trick or treating' with the rest of the kids.

I have had quite a productive day today. I have been reading 'Feel Good' by Dr somebody, I can't remember and it is upstairs at the moment. It is all about cognition therapy and bibliotherapy (reading in order to help yourself "self-help"). Changing your negative thought patterns in order to change your emotional state, how you feel in other words. I know all this already, but it easy to forget sometimes when everything gets on top of you all at once.

Got loads of ironing done tonight, which is good. I know it is absolutely crazy in comparison to major tragedy, but my ironing pile really pisses me off. "Oh, to go in the wardrobe and find clean, crease free clothes. What a luxury!" Look, see how small minded I have become. This stuff wouldn't normally bother me in the slightest. I even got a flat tire the other week and I just thought "so what, we will have to leave it and walk home. Not the end of the world."

I will get back to normal eventually. I think it will just take a little time. I have been self absorbed in all this football shite, and haven't seen the bigger picture for a while. I can tell when I am going down with a bit of depression, coz I start to get obsessed with the stupidest things, like dog hairs on the carpet and the dishwasher not being emptied. You know, end of the world stuff, ha ha. See, I can laugh about it now, but a couple of days ago, it could have started world war 3 in here. Psychotic loon!!!!!!!!!

I am a wonderful, kind, loving, intelligent, amazing individual who can try to change the things that can be changed, accept the things I can't change and have the wisdom to know the difference. So there!!!!!!!!!

I feel much better this morning. More positive. I walked the kids to school this morning, what a lovely morning. The birds are singing and the Autumn leaves are just beautiful.

I have decided that I can't change the world over night, not today anyway. I can only control me, and that's enough for now.

I need to phone into work coz Child number 4 has a party after school and I need to stay with her. Only found out last night. MMmmmmm, not sure what I am gonna do about it yet. Good job I have a great boss. She had 4 children quite close together, so she totally understands.

Hello one and all. I am feeling really disheartened this morning. I have felt a bit pooey for the last few days if i am honest. It is the usual pattern. Confrontations with absolute idiots, worrying about it, seeing people in distress, trying to see the bigger picture but can't, chatter box on over-time, not sleeping, tired, not organised, tired, wanting to change the world but can't, you know that sort of thing............

I know I will be back to my normal positive self in a few days, but when you are feeling like this, it is really hard to drag yourself out of it. It is not rational. You know it is self destructive, but doing something about it in this frame of mine is really difficult.

Ho Hum.....!

My sister had her cat put to sleep last week. She is absolutely gutted. I feel really sorry for her. The cat was 16 and like a surrogate child.

Feel a bit tired and washed out today. I went to Marti Narey Lecture on Thursday at Teesside Uni. Very interesting indeed. WIll speak later, coz can't be bothered at the moment. be seein' yas.........x

I was in Asda this afternoon doing a bit of shopping. Ther was a lady in the queue in front of me at the check-out. She was a little upset, but I didn't really notice what was going on. I was busily putting my shopping on the belt, as you do, oblivious to everything and everybody. When it was my turn, the check-out operator asked me if I had seen the lady in front of me. I said I had and she told me that she had noticed that she a bit upset and had asked her if she was OK. The lady said that she had just lost her son in a motorbike accident on Saturday. She was buying food for his funeral wake. The accident happened just near where I live and there are loads of flowers and tributes for him next to where the accident was. Many time I have passed, his friends are just standing, crying. It has been all over the local papers and everyone is very aware about the incident. But when you see his mother in Asda, crying, buying buffet food for her 22 years old son's funeral, it kind of hits home you know? Isn't life so cruel............makes you think about what is important and what is sooooo not! Bless her and her family at this sad time and please send loving thoughts out to them. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I had a very eventful day yesterday. I took the kids and 2 of their friends to the Chinese Buffet King for lunch and then we went to the pictures to see Ratatouille. It was quite funny actually, but not as good as I thought it was gonna be.

I got home and started to worry about the football meeting we had to attend at 6pm for Child number 1's team, (girls). It was worse than I was expecting. It was as though it was a personal assassination of ME!!!!! I can't really explain how it actually went coz it is all a bit of a blur, but I know I cried for about 3 hours, (what a loser)! The Manager and the so called coach are an absolute nightmare, any everyone daren't say anything to them, apart from me. So I guess that is why I got it in the neck then. I walke out after about 45 minutes as it was turning into a bit of a slanging match, and Tears were in my eyes and I felt like a dick! They are unbelievable.

Some of the parents actually spoke up for me saying I am the heart beat of the club and it is not my fault if the kids only come to me with their problems and worries. It was pretty obviously that I am seen as a bit of a threat. But I couldn't care about the parents, only the kids. And I have been with these girls for about 4 years not. I understand that I did resign, jumped before I was pushed, but these so called people in charge are an absolute nightmare.

I can't believe I cried. Although when they started saying that they didn't care if any of the girls left the club, I was absolutely flabbergated. I couldn't believe it! And the personal attacks on me of course, (I have something VERY wrong with my sense of humour apparently)??????????????????? Sorry for making everyone happy. I think I should explain a bit more about this. CHild number 1, after losing 14-0 already, scored an own goal. I cheered over to her, 'get in well done nice one', and started to whistle and do a celebratory dance on the side line. AT this point she burst out laughing, and so did the whole of the defence and mid-field. They were suicidal up until this point I might add!

Anyway, I know everything I do is for the girls and I am not ashamed of anything I have done or will ever do as far as the girls are concerned.

So there............be seein' ya...x

Well it is Tuesday and I am off work until Friday afternoon, yeah!!!!! I am taking the kids (+2 of child number 1's friends, my sister and her 2 kids) this afternoon. I think we will go out for something to eat first, it will save me a fortune in sweets and pop corn. Child number 1's friend slept last night, no bother though. Child number 3 is still asleep in bed. I wish I was. Anyway, talk later. Be Seein' ya......x

I haven't been very well today. I think it is because I have had a really stressful weekend with one thing and another. My head has been pounding but mostly, my eyes are really sore. I took the little three to the park this morning but had to come home early coz I felt awful. The two older ones were at football with Steven and met us in the park. We went to see the horses. There are normall two horses there, one being a large chestnut and the other a small shetland grey. The kids named them scruffy and snowy. They weren't there today and in their place were 2 race horse looking ponies, all rugged up. Child number 4 was very disgruntled. Child number 1 thought she would whistle them over, and scared them half to death. They shit themselves. Poor things.

I have been asleep on the the couch this afternoon. Child number 1 (the little angel) decided she would cheer me up and tidied the whole of my bedroom without me knowing. It took her about 2 hours (it was a hell hole). I appreciate this more than anything. What a star!!!

I have got wonderful, thoughtful children. Each of them in their own way are amazing. Child number 5 (Aged 3) kept asking me how I was feeling and bringing me chocolate bars. Bless him.

Child number 2 is sleeping out tonight at my sister's house. I am at work tomorrow and he has planned ahead. If he sleeps there, he will be able to stay tomorrow while I am out. He is really crafty, but clever and wonderful.

Child number 4 has been at her boisterous best today. She has been playing on the PC on CBeebies and almost smashed the mouse when she couldn't get it to work. She is a buggar.

Child number 3 has been better behaved today. She is always a bit of a handful. She punched child number 1's friend in the eye yesterday for laughing at her. It was the first time she had been to our house as well. I wonder if she comes back?

Ah well, I am going to finish my book. It is called Daddy's girl and is a true story about a girl who is sexually abused by her father. She eventually fights back at the age of 25 after being branded a liar for the last 15 years and onwards by her family, the police and Social Services. I have a lot of experience with Social Services and I can well believe it, but more of that another time, when I grow up a bit more! Maybe never then.

Isn't this world we live in a wonderful place.....not! It is easily understandable why people are so down on everything all of the time. It is an easy trap to fall into. I believe we are all here for a reason, to learn certain things in our lives in order to grow and develop spiritually in order to move on and help others. The harder your life is, the more times you have been here before. Maybe eventually I will write about my childhood story, or maybe not. I think subcontiously this is why I started this blog. Everything comes at the right time, and I will know when the right time is.

Anyway, I need to go to the shop for some more Bold and Comfort. (Washing machine). Be seein' ya........X

I said I never would, but I am gonna have a blast about my daughter's football team.

I used to coach the team up until about 6 months ago. I had to step back because the Manager of the club was completely undermining everything I was trying to do with the girls. She couldn't have cared less about the kids, it was just all about her and it was doing my head IN! She brought in a new coach, without even telling me by the way and the kids just won't take any notice of him at all. I feel sorry for him really and so I asked him if he wanted any help with the girls about 3 weeks ago, coz things were just getting out of control. He said yeah and everything was fine. Then I go a text, (a text I might add) telling me that he didn't want me to help him, that he was fine on his own.

Now this is a girls team and I am a qualified coach with this club. I am obviously a woman and have the kids best interest at heart. You need a woman coach within the club to deal with the child protection and health and safety aspects for the girls. Bearing in mind, they are an under 13's team.

The kids at the moment are completely demoralised and all want to leave coz all the fun has gone out of the team. They are getting thrashed every time they have a match and we (the parents) have been told we can't shout encouragement from the side lines. It is absolutely crazy.

The Manager, needless to say, apparently doesn't care about the kids at all. All she cares about is herself. She is just in it for herself and it is driving me crazy.

Now in Hartlepool, we have a rival club called St. Francis. They are an amazing club as a whole and I have been asked to start an under 13's girls team for them.

My theory for football is, along with the technical side obviously, that the girls need to believe in themselves. Football is all about confidence and believing in yourself, not to be scared of the ball and give it your all.

If I take over the St. Francis, I know half of the old team will come with me and that will mean that the other team will be no more. My first reaction was, I just can't do that. I am already public enemy number one. But when you have got our parents saying to me every week, this is demorolising for the kids, why aren't you coaching them anymore, what can you do. Honestly, their heads are down, they have no confidence, they are starting to get aggressive with the other teams, it is just a nightmare. We lost 18-0 this morning. About 7 months ago, we have a tournament at Trimdon and the Manager wasn't there. The kids were buzzing. We won the tournament really easily and the kids were on top of the world. Even if we hadn't of won, the kids had such a good time. They were singing, laughing and really enjoying themselves.

It is absolute madness. I really don't know what to do. I have heard the manager slagging some of our girls off before, calling them names, outwardly bragging when they haven't got into major Acadamy's like Sunderland and Middlesbrough. What is going on? Why is this woman in charge. Any kid she doesn't like get pushed out. Everything is personal with her. I have been with this club for about 4 years now and I think the kids are amazing. She is destroying every single one of them slowly but surely. Part of me just wants to stay out of it and let the team come to a natural end, which it will before long coz all the kids do not want to play any more. The other part of me wants to fight for the kids and build up their confidence again. WHat should I do? Seriously?

She just doen't like me coz I have an opinion and I am not afraid to stand up to her and open my mouth. She is a bully who lives her life through the club.

Do you know what, I don't need this. My daughter wants to leave and I have just said to her that she needs to think about it and not make any rash decisions. She loves her football, but at the moment it is destroying her confidence.

Sorry for going on a bit, but this has been boiling up insode of me for too long.

If I was a nasty person, I could go up to all these parents and tell them exactly what she has been saying about their kids. She is SSSOOOOOOOOOOO 2 faced. I think she doesn't like me coz I say it how it is. I like people to do the same. Why can't people just see through her and see her for what she is, a bully.

Hey hum.............be seein' ya X

I came home from work early today coz I was feeling awful. I think I am getting a cold. I had an hour in bed but then CHild number 1 came home with her friend and her friend's shitzou (is that how you spell it). I think I really need to get a dictionary! It was a cute little thing but Max (our dog) tried everything he could to give it a heart attack. Poor thing, didn't know what had hit it. I feel really tired and a little bit sorry for myself at the moment. Ste (Husband) had just gone to take his mother home and Child number 1 to sleep out at her friends again.
I sent child number 4 to her room about 3 hours ago, and she is still there. She crawled into bed and is now flat out. Bless her, she must have needed it.
Child number 5 (one sock on, one sock off monster) is keeping me warm on the couch with lovely cuddles. Love them to bits.
Child number 2 is OK about not going to football this week end. I think he has realised that his behaviour was so horrendous that he daren't argue about it. He is good like that though, he knows when he has overstepped the mark.
I think I am gonna have to sort out the washing tomorrow. The airing cupboard is about to burst. Every time I open the door, there is a waterfall of clothes onto the lino.
I will have to sort our room out aswell. I think I should change the bedding before it melts through the douvet.
The kids want to take the rats to the pictures when we go and see Ratatouille (I still can't spell it). I don't think the cinema staff would be very pleased. It might be good for a laugh though!
Well, speak more tomorrow. Be seein' ya........X

Child number 2 is screaming the place down about not wanting to go with other kids to their Grandma's house while I am at work. They are off school today. He is really screaming, and if he wasn't doing my head in so much, it would be funny. Oh, he hates me now and he wishes he had never been born. Nice! Oh, I am from hell too! Barred him from playing football (training) tonight about 5 minutes ago, and now he is not playing the match on Sunday. Gives me a nice sleep in then. Good good. He still hates me. He is soooooooooooooo stroppy when he can't get his own way. He wants to go to my sister's house instead and has tried to wear me down for the last 2 hours. I thought I would write about it before I 'kill him'! Only joking, you can phone the Social Services later! Lol :-)

Silence! I think he has finally realised that I do not change my mind. Oh no, he still hates me and wishes he had never been born. Oh, the joys of parenting.

I think the storm is over. Thank God. I managed to get three kids bathed throughout the storm, which was a bloody miracle. I have hummed the whole of Now 66 in my head three times I think in the last 2 hours. But we are still all alive. Ho hum. Be Seein' ya........X

I have decided to log down all the books I have read coz they are in my old diaries and are all over the place. So here goes

March '05
A Child Called 'IT' (Dave Pelzer)
The Lost Boy (Dave Pelzer)
A man named Dave (Dave Pelzer)
The Kid (Kevin Lewis)

April '05
One Child (Torey Hayden)

May '05
To die for (Carol Lee)
Just a boy (Richard McCann)

June '05
The Little Prisoner (Jane Elliot)

July '05
The Gift (Mia Dolan)
Tiger's Child (Torey Hayden)

Sept '05
Out of the Dark (Linda Caine)

Nov '05
The Psychic Adventures of Derek Acorah (Derek Acorah)
Mia's World (Mia Dolan)
Moving on (Kevin Lewis)
Twilight Children (Torey Hayden)

Dec '05
Sam the Magis Genie (Brian Mayne)
Goodbye Dearest Holly (Kevin Wells)
The Right Questions (Debbie Ford)

Jan '06
You are what you Eat Michelle's diary (Michelle McManus)
Sickened (Julie Gregory)
Just one more day (Susan Lewis)
Next to you (Gloria Hunniford)

Feb '06
Ghost Girl (Torey Hayden)
Fat Girl (Judith Moore)
Beyond Evil (Nathan Yates)
Easy way to stop smoking (Allen Carr)
Hannah's Gift (Maria Housden)
Unravelled (Maria Housden)

March '06
Behind Closed Doors (Jenny Tomlin)
Just Another Kid (Torey Hayden)
Rock Me Gently (Judith Kelly)
Little Survivors (Wensley Clarkson)

April '06
Live Better 'Reiki' (Sandileir - Shuffrey)
The pocket guide to understanding ADHD (Dr CHristopher Green)
Healing without Freud or Prozac (Dr David Servan-Schreiber)
Bloodletting (Vistoria Leatham)

May '06
The NHS Healer (Angie Buxton-King)
I can make you thin (Paul McKenna)
Another hour on Sunday morning (Julia Sheeres)
Only a mother could love him (Ben Polis)
Chicken Soup for the Soul (Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen)

June '06
Silent Sisters (Jenny Tomlin & Kim Challinor)
A brother's journey (Richard B Pelzer)
A teenager's journey (Richard B Pelzer)

July '06
Stressed Eric's Guide to Stress Management (Eric Feeble)
Help Yourself (Dave Pelzer)
We were here first kid (Christie Mellor)
Rowing without Oars (Ulla-Carin Lindquist)
Murphy's Boy (Torey Hayden)
Somebody elses kids (Torey Hayden)

Aug '06
Fred and Rose (Howard Sounes)
You can heal your life (Louise L Hay)
Dibs, in search of self (Virginia M Axline)

Sept '06
Heartland (Neil Cross)
Beautiful Child (Torey Hayden)

Oct '06
The Secret of Happy Children (Steve Bidulph)
The Secret of Happy Parents (Steve Bibulph)

Nov '06
The God Squad (Paddy Doyle)
Not without my Daughter (Betty Mahmoody)

Dec '06
Slave (Mende Nazer)

Jan '07
The Choice (Barnadette Bohan)
Overcoming Anger and Irritability (William Davies)
Feel the Fear and do it anyway (Susan Jeffers)

Feb '07
Betrayed (Lyndsay Harris)
Street Kid (Judy Westwater)
Danny's Challenge (Danny Mardell)

Mar '07
Be Yourself (Lynda Field)
Saving Samantha (Samantha Weaver)
Fragile (Niki Shisler)
Improve your mood with food (Alexandra Massey)
The bad mother's handbook (Kate Long)
CHinese Cinderella (Adeline Yen Mah)
Wednesday's Child (Shane Dunphy)

April '07
Sophia's Story (Susan McKay)
Damaged (Cathy Glass)
Broken Wings (Sheree Osbourne)
The Sound of Laughter (Peter Kay)
Unbeaten (Kim Woodburn)

May '07
Harold Shipman 'Prescription for Murder' (Brian Whittle & Jean Ritchie)
I Choose to Live (Sabine Dardenne)

July '07
Goodnight Mr Tom (Michelle Magorian)

Aug '07
Abandoned (Anya Peters)
Flowers in the Attack (Virginia Andrews)

Sept '07
Petals on the Wind (Virginia Andrews)
If there be Thorns (Virginia Andrews)

October '07
Unloved (Peter Roche)
Mother's Ruin (Nicola Barry)
Daddy's little girl (Julia Latchem-Smith)

November '07
Crying in the Dark/Last Ditch House (Shane Dunphy)

June 08
Angelas Ashes (Frank McCourt)

Finished so far, can I add to this later?

Be seein' ya......X

As I was at work yesterday, I am having the day off today. I took child number 5 round to my dad's (he looks after him while I am at work) as normal after dropping other kids at school, and didn't tell him I was off. I feel really guilty. But I do have a whole 6 HOURS to myself. Wow, I can't believe it. The girls at work have been prepped so if my dad phones me at work about anything, they will say I have just popped out the office and they will ring me to give me the heads up. Aren't I awful.
I could either go back to bed, tidy the house, go into town (coz I really need some new slippers) for a coffee, read the rest of my book or just sit on the couch and watch day time television ALL DAY! Decisions, decisions.........Mmmmmmm! I feel like going back to bed coz I haven't slept for the last 12 years (slight exaggeration) but I will waste my day. The neighbour is cutting the grass. We have really posh neighbours, I mean really posh. We don't quite fit in in this area because we are NORMAL! Everyone thinks we are really posh coz we live in a big house, but we are just as skint as everyone else (coz we live in a big house). Happy days. We are really lucky though, and I appreciate that. ALso we live behind massive cast iron gates with an intercom system that you can only open with the code or the remote/system buzzers, so it keeps the debt collectors out. Ha ha ha.
My car is still out of action due to the puncture. I phoned at least 8 Renault dealers and not one could tell me how to release the spare wheel! "Oh no, the Grand Scenic shouldn't have a spare wheel, and if it has, you can't get it off. Sorry, it is a manufacturing fault". Nice one!
I think I will go to bed for a bit and read my book. Kill 2 birds with one stone and all that. Must put the dinner in the slow cooker first though. Spag Bol tonight. I don't know why I do it. More spaghetti ends up on the floor and walls that in the kids. Thank God for the dog. Noo noo. Be Seein' ya.........x

Been to work on my day off, coz we had a meal for the MR Manager leaving on maternity leave.  We went to Pizza Express.  I didn't think much to it at all.  It took 45 minutes for out food to come and when it did, it was burnt.  I never complained though, being British and all.  Got back to the office and had to pretend to look busy for half an hour before leaving to pick the kids up from school.  Got to school OK, but thought the car was a bit sluggish.  Picked child number 5 up from nursery, then child number 4 came wandering out of the school and gave me all her bags to hold, so I looked like a bit of a pack horse.  Waited for child number 3 for ages.  I think she was the last one out.  Still waiting for child number 2 (for an extra 10 minutes) then remembered he was at science club.  Got back in car, and the funny noise turned out to be a puncture.  So I left the car somewhere near the school and walked to my dad's for another lecture on how irresponsible I am.  Just what I needed.  Dad dropped us off at home.  Thank you for small mercies. 
Child number 1 has just come in from detention, telling me about wanting to 'bray' a lad at school who called her a slut!  Nice .........
Small 3 kids are fighting at the moment.  You can't hear yourself think.  Iam all for this personal space and development thing with children, but it sometimes deafens your ear drums.  My motto is, 'if  you can't see blood - leave well alone'! 
ANyway, better get the tea on.  Husband has gone to buy a new space wheel.  Bless!  Oh dear, he is gonna miss the football.  THANK YOU FOR SMALL MERCIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x

Well, here we go. Massive moan coming up! Spend the whole night with husband and the kids devising a rota to sort the house out, and to give the kids a little bit of responsibility. Everything was fabulous last night, worked like clockwork. Tonight, oh my God. On day in and it has all gone to shi#e. Child number 3 was an absolute star (who is seven by the way) completed all her jobs as soon as she came in from school. CHild number 1 (11) did absolutely sod all and child number 2 did about the same. Husband, don't get me started. Child number 4 was an angel, very unusual, and child number 5 decided to trash the house. Oh my God. I feel like mashing my head against a brick wall. Husband was supposed to pick the dog shite up, but moaned about it being too dark. GET A BLOODY TORCH THEN! Then fell asleep on the sofa, not for long though after I hit him with my shoe. He then preceeded to fart in number 2 child's face, (albeit an accident) and a hug row kicked off about how foul and disrespectful it is to fart in people's faces. (Child number 2 is a bit of a soap box fiend). Asked husband to go to the shop for milk for breakfast, but it as this moment cleaning the dishes away from dinner (his one and only job 'apart from the shi#e' and the shop shuts in 10 minutes. Was gonna go myself, but that would be missing the point. I can't believe it! Husband just said to me "you could have been to the shop and back by now!" He is moaning about having 'man flu'. I will give him bloody man flu! Should I go and hit him with something harder than my shoe? No, best not. Might be up on a murder charge. Although, I could always plead insanity. I am going to bed to read my book. Be seein' ya.........xxxxxxxxx

Good morning everyone. I managed to get my make-up on this morning, and I feel fab. Dinner is in the slow cooker (decided to do Braising Steak) and All kids are at school, except child number 5 who is at my dad's at the moment, but will go to nursery this afternoon. I am all by myself, God it is peaceful.
Child number 1 took the dog for a walk this morning. I think she really emjoyed it, I know Max did; although she refused to take a poo bag. He didn't poo though, I think child number 1 made sure of that!
I am about to go to work for another day of pretending to look busy. We are so quiet at the moment, although I am not complaining at all! HR manager is about to go on maternity leave so we are all going out for a party meal tomorrow lunch time and Pizza Express I think it is. I am looking forward to that.
I was up three times during the night again, wandering around. I know I am a moon psychic, but this is really wearing me down. My mind is active all night and I am sooooo tired on a morning. (Now you think I am a wierdo don't you). Lol
The Owl was out in full force last night, tooting 'til his little heart was content. He hasn't been around for a while and I have missed him a bit.
Well that's about it for this morning. I still don't know what I am doing with all the friends and tagging and stuff but I think I am OK with the rest. Not sure what flagging is either. Be sein' ya.........

I feel so much better now. The kids have all helped tidy round the house and Child number 1 is even hoovering her room without being asked. I can't believe it. Child number 2 is playing darts in the garage with Husband, Child number 3 is dressing up in the fire room with child number 4 and child number 5 has just pooed his pants. I knew it was going too well. I wish I had thought of this shared tidying rota ages ago. It takes a lot of pressure off me, and that can only be a good thing.
I have had a pretty poor day today until now. Kids are still arguing, but I can handle that as long the house is in some kind of order. I need to think about dinner for tomorrow coz I am working school hours. CHicken Curry & rice I think. Will have to defrost the chicken breasts out the freezer before I forget. Be seein' ya x

Feel totally disheartened at the moment. Not coping very well with the house and the kids. Am absolutely nackered. I am always writing that aren't I? Never mind. I have a plan though. Rota rota rota!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hiya there. I wanted to stop smoking today. I managed to do it until the kids were all at school, and then I had one. What's all that about. Although this morning was particularly stressful. CHild number 1 still hates me. Because I wouldn't straighten her fringe. Child number 5 was having a tantrum about brushing his teeth and then cereal and then trousers. Although, he was in my bed most of the night so neither of us has had much sleep. He wanted juice at 3 o'clock and I only gave him water. There was hell on! Am I going wrong somewhere? I had to get out of bed myself at 1 to put the stuff out of the washing machine into the dryer for school this morning. I think I need to be more organised. Anyway, back to the smoking thing. I really want to stop smoking coz it stinks, it causes cancer, it is killing me, my chest is getting worse, it makes me instantly tired, it is bad for the kids, they hate me smoking, the house stinks, i can't breathe, etc, etc, etc!!!!!!!! I have also decided that I do not want to frink alcohol any more. It puts me on a real downer the next day and I feel really anxious and nervous about nothing at all really. ALl this shit comes from nowhere, the back of mind I think, all the surpressed stuff and it does my head in. I feel amazing when I am drinking my water, eating healthily, exercising; and when I have had a night out, it all goes out of the window for at least 3 days. I normally end up in Morrisons the next day eating congealed lard. I wouldn't care, it is not that nice at the time. I am really tired. I have got the washer on though, and that sounds better this morning. It almost died last night. nearly got the emergency doctor out. Anyway, wasn't I talking about smoking. Maybe I will rethink in a few days when I am not so stressed out. The thing is, I am always stressed out these days. When I feel out of control with the housework or the kids, I feel terrible. It is as if I can't manage. I need to start writing down all the achievements I make in a day again, just the small things. It really does help. Things like, 'I got the kids to school on time this morning'. Although child number one followed her bag that I threw out of the front door this morning. I presume she is in school. Coz I am feeling, lets say 'not on top of the world', and the kids are like 'a pack of dogs', they sense weakness in their leader and they are going in for the kill, seriously! Especially child number one. I need to pull myself back together and fast before she gets her hackles up and tears strips off me and butchers me to death. Slight exageration I know. That's the way it feels sometimes though. ANyway, thanks for listening, although you are not. WHoever YOU are? It feels loads better to get it all out on the screen. Be seein' ya.........

Well, the party went OK last night. I was drinking Vodka & Redbull all night. When I eventually got to bed at half two, I couldn't sleep. Nightmare. I had a little sleep this morning but I am absolutely shattered. Never again. Whenever I have had a night out, or in drinking, I always feel shit the next day. Really anxious and worried about nothing in particular. Alcohol is really not a good thing. Child number 1 enjoyed her sleepover thirteenth birthday party, although she is nackered aswell and full of it. I have just sent them all up to bed. I know it is only seven o'clock, but you know when you have just had enough? They could all do with an early night anyway. That has always been a good thing about our kids, they go to bed OK. It is coz I always put them to bed while they were awake as babies, so they could learn how to go to sleep themselves. That is the best tip I could pass on to any new mum. God, husband's just farted. That is another bad thing about being plied with alcohol. Beer farts. Well, Fosters I think it was actually. Child number 1 is still stropping. Just majorly stropped down stairs talking about chewing gum or something. Sent her back up, and oh, she hates me. What's new. I am too tired for this. It is a good job I don't have a temper to lose. I have discovered that a bad temper is a complete waste of time and energy. You only upset yourself. And what is the point of that. Better to pretend to be cross than really get a pisser on. Far less hastle. With the husband thought the same though. The rows in here sometimes are a laugh. 'Well she started it' is his usually reply. Give me strength!!!! Have been thinking lately about about my childhood, but I think it is still a little too soon to be writing about all that bollocks just yet. Mmmmmmm, I am rambling on a bit, sorry. My brain is in meltdown at the moment. And by the way, what is a tag? Am I supposed to click on some that I am interested in or something? urrrrrr, none of them then. Be seein' ya

Getting ready for the party tonight. The house is still is pig hole. NEver mind, hopefully everyone will be too drunk to notice. I hope I don't get too drunk and make an arse of myself. What am I gonna do about food? who cares. hubby is doing the dog shit run, i think he will be out there all night, ha ha! I have cleaned the rats out, the rabbit and the guinea pigs. That should do to entertain the kids for a bit (oh yeah, there are kids too!) I came in from football this morning and the dog had eaten one of child number 5's nappies. You can imagine what the floor looked like, urgh! Just sprayed some Oust at it. oh dear, it is no nearly five o'clock. Had better sort it out. See ya x

God, child number 1 is going to a party tomorrow and she is doing my head in. It is a girly party and she is so not girly AT ALL. She has already tried my whole wardrobe on and of course, it is not good enough. They are all going to get their hair done, then for a meal, then for a 'hot tub party' then sleepover. What is wrong with jelly and icecream? Her swimming costume is still wet and stinks like the bottom of our toilet, I ahve already got her football strip in the washing machine coz she has a match tomorrow at some God forsaken hour. Not to mention my other four kids all have sickness and diahoreaaeaeoiour. I think that is how you spell it! I was supposed to be at the pub tonight, but my mate is having 'boyfriend' trouble. Drown him I say! Anyway, better go coz she is throwing clothes at me down the stairs, joy..........

Well, it is Friday and that is a good thing. No School runs for a couple of days. I got 3 kids to school this morning, two are lying about like dying swans (just a cough, don't worry)! The house is a pig hole and the washing machine sound decidedly dodgy this morning. Hey ho! Have got a party to organise for tomorrow night, adults (oh no), should be fun. Hubby out last night with the lads, very hungover over this morning, ha ha. At least it is not me. Bless him. Just got a call from school, eldest for her chocolate chips this morning for her home economics class, can I bring them in? Oh yeah, just shove a broom up my bum while you're at it. School photos today, oh dear. Two kids missing anyway. Although I never pay for them, just keep them and shove them in a drawer. I know, I am a bad parent.... I hate school photographs, the kids always look so cardboard. It is if they sit them on a chair full of nails and threaten them that if they don't smile, they will remove their toe nails. Oh, the joys of school. I am at work this afternoon and have to negotiate dinner for tonight before I go. What should I make? Macdonalds again then! Only joking! God, I sound so synical this morning. I have got my make-up on aswell. And I have brushed my hair. Massive fight between the kids this morning involving a cup of cold water, (1st child) and the loudest voice box on record (3rd child). I returned my head under the pillow unfortunately. I hate confrontation (and screaming)! Walked into the fire room this morning to find 4th child and 5th child watching South Park the movie. I should never have taught them to work the DVD player. Lesson learned, although too late. Traffic warden at school this morning, nice to see. I believe it should be a legal requirement for her to hit owners of 4 x 4's who are under the impression that they can park where the hell they like. Wouldn't the world be a better place, if only. Well, the washing machine has stopped, that is my calling, my feet are itching. Maybe I will be a bit more cheery on my return, although I wouldn't count on it. The kids wardrobes have been sick all over the floors again, so I had better go and calpol them up, joy! See ya x

Yeah, I have saved my text and found it again! Yeah. I know, but small things and all that. I am not really sure what a blog is. Who cares, I have one now.

Well, as I am a blog virgin, I am not sure how to get started. I needed a space to write down my thoughts and feelings and I have to start somewhere. I am a married mother of 5 (yeah 5) adorable children and I work as a recruitment consultant. I am also a football coach, although I think I have just been fired. Nice...... long story.