my life

I feel so much better now. The kids have all helped tidy round the house and Child number 1 is even hoovering her room without being asked. I can't believe it. Child number 2 is playing darts in the garage with Husband, Child number 3 is dressing up in the fire room with child number 4 and child number 5 has just pooed his pants. I knew it was going too well. I wish I had thought of this shared tidying rota ages ago. It takes a lot of pressure off me, and that can only be a good thing.
I have had a pretty poor day today until now. Kids are still arguing, but I can handle that as long the house is in some kind of order. I need to think about dinner for tomorrow coz I am working school hours. CHicken Curry & rice I think. Will have to defrost the chicken breasts out the freezer before I forget. Be seein' ya x

Feel totally disheartened at the moment. Not coping very well with the house and the kids. Am absolutely nackered. I am always writing that aren't I? Never mind. I have a plan though. Rota rota rota!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hiya there. I wanted to stop smoking today. I managed to do it until the kids were all at school, and then I had one. What's all that about. Although this morning was particularly stressful. CHild number 1 still hates me. Because I wouldn't straighten her fringe. Child number 5 was having a tantrum about brushing his teeth and then cereal and then trousers. Although, he was in my bed most of the night so neither of us has had much sleep. He wanted juice at 3 o'clock and I only gave him water. There was hell on! Am I going wrong somewhere? I had to get out of bed myself at 1 to put the stuff out of the washing machine into the dryer for school this morning. I think I need to be more organised. Anyway, back to the smoking thing. I really want to stop smoking coz it stinks, it causes cancer, it is killing me, my chest is getting worse, it makes me instantly tired, it is bad for the kids, they hate me smoking, the house stinks, i can't breathe, etc, etc, etc!!!!!!!! I have also decided that I do not want to frink alcohol any more. It puts me on a real downer the next day and I feel really anxious and nervous about nothing at all really. ALl this shit comes from nowhere, the back of mind I think, all the surpressed stuff and it does my head in. I feel amazing when I am drinking my water, eating healthily, exercising; and when I have had a night out, it all goes out of the window for at least 3 days. I normally end up in Morrisons the next day eating congealed lard. I wouldn't care, it is not that nice at the time. I am really tired. I have got the washer on though, and that sounds better this morning. It almost died last night. nearly got the emergency doctor out. Anyway, wasn't I talking about smoking. Maybe I will rethink in a few days when I am not so stressed out. The thing is, I am always stressed out these days. When I feel out of control with the housework or the kids, I feel terrible. It is as if I can't manage. I need to start writing down all the achievements I make in a day again, just the small things. It really does help. Things like, 'I got the kids to school on time this morning'. Although child number one followed her bag that I threw out of the front door this morning. I presume she is in school. Coz I am feeling, lets say 'not on top of the world', and the kids are like 'a pack of dogs', they sense weakness in their leader and they are going in for the kill, seriously! Especially child number one. I need to pull myself back together and fast before she gets her hackles up and tears strips off me and butchers me to death. Slight exageration I know. That's the way it feels sometimes though. ANyway, thanks for listening, although you are not. WHoever YOU are? It feels loads better to get it all out on the screen. Be seein' ya.........