my life

Well, it is that time of year! Getting the Christmas presents sorted out. I have got a new catalogue and ordered a new credit card. Isn't it awful. Amazon and eBay are also getting a hammering. We can't afford it, as you may be able to tell, but what the hell! I could ramble on about how pressured parents feel to conform to the massive institution of the media circus that is Christmas, but I can't be arsed.

We are putting the tree up at the weekend. I am not one of these people who like or even want a pristine Christmas tree. We just put it up and the kids decorate it. 'You can imagine'! All the decorations go on the bottom of the tree at the front. It looks so crap, but I like it that way. I am not one for things looking 'nice', what ever the hell that means! After the cats have dragged it over a couple of times and the dog has pissed up it, it always looks a little better anyway.

Well the washer has stopped so I am off. Tara

Well.............I am obviously sat here at the computer. I have just done the fire as we have had no coal over the weekend. Had electric fire on in the middle room. Costs a fortune, but what the hell; we never pay the bills anyway. Bonus!

I am off to work this afternoon. CHild number 3 is of school today 'poorly' and is chewing the life out of child number 5. Nice! Just what is needed in this house of such calm and tranquility, not!

I have burnt my hands on the fire when I was putting the coal in. Tha plastic from the bag melted and stuck to both my hands. I have 'burns creamed' them up though so they are feeling ok at the moment.

I have 4 more weeks at work before Christmas. I missed work at the begining of last week, well I missed life really with the Vodka thing and everything. Never ever again! I went out on Saturday night and drank coke. Well done me. I still had a good laugh. Good company certainly helps!

While we were out we heard that one of the characters in our old local had died. He was called 'H' (Harold) and was part of the furniture. We were in the pub on the Monday and one of the kids sat in his chair at the bar for what must have been a few seconds. We didn't notice that he wasn't there. Sometimes he isn't. He only goes in at certain times every day. i said 'ooh, you can't sit there. H will go mad'. Hade a bit of a joke about it. Then we heard he died on the Tuesday, the next day. His funeral is today. It will be wierd not seeing him anymore. We always stand and chat and he comments on how wonderful we are as a family. He was 81. Miss you mate!

Well, Christmas is a coming and the goose is getting fat! I love Christmas. It is all about the kids. Although I have a two week block booking for nativities, concerts and carol services. I am an expert now. I know all the words and everything. Child number 2 is in the choir. He is a fabulous singer though, really good. He has a natural talent for it even though I say so myself! He has all the music for all the concerts on CD which the teacher burned for him. If I hear 'The Christian Rap' though one more time, I may well wrap the CD round his ........... or maybe not! Christmas cheer and all that! It was all silent night and little donkey when I was at school. Although is there a song ever written that is worse than little donkey. I think not! Torture.

Silent night gets me every time. My eyes start to leak and my heart tries to escape my chest. My mother died on Christmas Eve when I was 12 and although I now accept that everything happens for a reason in order for us to become the people we need to be, to live our lives and grow to help ourselves and others, it was a bit of a fucking pisser! I used to hate Christmas, but now we have the kids it is a wonderful time. My dad is still very bitter, but that is because she apparently had an affair before we were all born and he 'shouldn't have even married the caniving (can't spell it) woman'. WHat is the point in being bitter about anything. It only eats you from the inside out. (Should have I have written that bit about my dad? I won't delete it coz it is the truth).

My second Christmas after my mother died was spent in a kids home for unruly bastards (only joking, about the bastards bit). Residential care is a wierd experience. My dad couldn't control me he said. He also told me I killed my mother and that he hated me and I wasn't his daughter. (Should I have written that bit) I am not bothered about it all now. That is why I can talk so freely about it all. (Freely, it has taken me 4 months to write anything on here). SHe died of manengitis by the way. Selfish bitch, only joking...God! Ha ha. I am only joking!!!! Blacksheep, you get my sense of humour, I hope.

I lived on the streets for a while after that and then in people's garages and on floors before eventually going into a foster home. They were amazing. CHanged my life around. Left there and went to another foster home, absolute psycho's by the way. Then got a house of my very very own at 15 and a 1/4. Oh, how wonderful social services are. Sorry, I was politically incorrect then, Childhood services. I have got pins and needles now in both feet. I think I need to go for a stroll around the kitchen.

Anyway, that is my update about nothing in particular. My arse is now numb too. I really need to move but can't be arsed! Ha ha, get the pun?

What is Orange and sounds like a parrot........
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A CARROT!

Well it is Sunday. This time last week I was still unconcious. A litre of vodka does that to you apparently! I have decided to stop drinking all together. Not that I am an alcoholic or anything, but I really scared myself last weekend. I could have killed myself. I didn't know what I was doing. I still have memory loss over it all. I took the front of a taxi on apparently. The bills still hasn't turned up though! lol. I am a classic binge drinker I think. I go out on a weekend and drink as much alcohol as is put in front of me. I usually drink lager, but thought Vodka would be a good idea for some strange reason. WHen I have had a drink, my alter ego (Martha) comes to haunt me. She is very chewy and dryer in sense of humour than normal which which normally leads to upsetting more than a couple of people. SHe is also a terrible flirt. I could do without her for a while. I also miss a whole day on a weekend after a good drink and it puts me in a terrible mood. I am just wondering who I am trying to convince here! Tara

Oh my God. I can't believe it is Monday. I can remember going out on Saturday night, something about vodka, waking up with sick in my hair, a bump the size of a tennis ball on the back of my head and not able to move as my back is considered broken. I have cracked the base of my back and the only treatment for it is diazapam and 'keep active'! What the hell is that all about.

I am seriously never drinking again though. It could have been really dangerous. I am bruised from head to toe where Steven has tried to drag me in the house. You can see finger marks under my arms, bruises. I was throwing myself on the floor apparently. Oh, and I got a bill from the taxi coz I smashed his front head light. Urgh????? I can't believe I am admitting to all this. I should be locked up. Oh and I pissed myself in front of the fire coz I couldn't get my trousers off. Nice! I can't remember any of this of course. I am going back to bed now. See you Wednesday.

Oh, it is good to be back. The B£$%^&ds cut me off. Although not paying the bill didn't help. Hello first to my black sheep, I have not abandoned you and were wondering how you were getting on. I will have a look in a sec. And my little mkfunky. Hope you are a lot happier these days. God, I feel as though I have been missing forever! I am back with a passion!

Washing machine finally died and I have been without it for a WHOLE WEEK! I am demented. I know laundry is not one of most people's number one priorities, but with all the kids, the house is now overrun with dirty socks and the like who have adopted a life of their own. I am serious. Stinking isn't the word. They are EVERYWHERE! My God, what an exciting life I have. Tara for now anyway.

Child number 2 has got some friends coming over for his birthday at 2pm and the house is a shit hole. I am not tidying it up coz I can't be arsed. Steven can do it. He had been out all morning and I am fed up of tidying up all the time, like all the time.

Children numbers 3, 4 and 5 are running through the hall from room to room like screaming crazy people. It is quite funny really. I don't mind as long as they are not killing each other. They are playing the hunting giant castle game apparently. Sounds quite fun.

Child number 5 has managed not to poo himself yet this morning, so I will have that to look forward too. Oh joy. Oh, there goes the washing machine. It sounds like a road digger at the moment. The bearings are shot.

I am taking all these kids to the pictures for 2.45pm so they should be there for about 2 1/2 hours. Then on to Macdonalds for a processed lung, or two. I am not buying them sweets at the pictures, so I am prepared for a few snotty kids with something to say about that. I don't care, they can't scare me. I've got 5 kids. I am a pro at saying NO! Anyway, if I get them popcorn (or cockporn as child number 1 used to call it) they will only end up throwing it all over the place and getting barred out after 10 minutes and I am planning to get a good 2 hours peace out of this.

Ho hum.

My fag craving has gone anyway. I have had some toasties and a twirl (chocolate, not the dance version). It is always worse when I am hungry. Steven better hurry up coz he has a lot to do in less than an hour now. I mean, it is a complete shit hole. Big time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Am I cruel? Do I care?

I just keep telling him he is the best husband in the world. It works every time!

God, I so want a cigarette. The kids are at their screaming best and I am trying to make toasties in the kitchen, of which child number 2 doesn't like and that is where I usually smoke. Nightmare. Husband is on his way home from football with child number 1. I wish he would hurry up. This stopping smoking thing is really hard. Harder than I thought it would be. I thought it would get easier as the days went on but it is getting harder. I am using the patches so the nicitine is still in my body (read Allen Carr and all that). AArgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What is the bast way to catch a fish?

Stand straight opposite the person who is throwing at you!

I have had a day from hell at work. The junior stropped all afternoon coz she didn't have any money to go out on the razz. Full tantrums and the lot. God, I wasn't like that was I?

Child number 2's birthday tomorrow. He will be 11. I feel old all of a sudden. I am sure I am not supposed to be feeling like this at 33.

I still haven't had a cigarette. I can't believe I am onto my third day. It was really hard this morning, but I stuck at it, although I think I would have had one if I had had some in the house. Good job I threw them all out (and the bin man had been). I've done that before today.

Child number 3 has put stickers all over the keyboard and I can't type any more. Well obviously I can, but you know what I mean. I am totally disorientated.

I wonder if I win the Euro Lottery tonight.

Child number 3 is telling jokes. Get a load of these.

How to crabs communicate over long distances?
By Shell phone

What is a snake's favourite subject?
Hissssssssstory

WHat do you call a sick alligator?
An illigator

(Are you laughing yet?)

Why are soldiers scared of the dentist?
Because they hate the drill

Where did the minister go on holiday?
To the Hymn-alayas

Which part of the ship did the wrestler travel in?
The hold

WHat did the dog say when he sat on sand paper?
Ruff (Rough)

What goes clickerty clickerty plop?
A hairdresser falling into a swimming pool

Why did the pianist leave the dinner table?
Because he had to go for a tinkle

GET THE PICTURE?

Oh dear!

I am really struggling at the moment. I think I need to get out of the house. The little man is having his lunch and I just can't wait for him to finish so I can get out of here. This craving has been lasting about 15 minutes.

I think when I get in the car, I will be fine. I need to put my shoes on so will go and do that. God, I sound like a loon......

Well, the smell of cat piss has gone from the middle room. I think it was all in my imagination. This stopping smoking lark has revived my sense of smell and I think it is on overdrive.

This is my third day of not smoking and I am really pleased with myself. I had a really bad craving about 5 minutes ago, hence I am writing in my blog. It really helps.

I should really go shopping but I am still in my PJ's and can't be bothered to get dressed. I am at work at 1pm, so about 12pm will do I think, getting washed I mean, not shopping).

That's the good thing about blogs, you can just write a pile of rubbish if you want to and it doesn't really matter.

My washing machine is still dying. I think it only has about 3 hours to live. Poor thing.

Weel, can't sit here all day spouting crap can I?

Well, I am on to my third day of not smoking. I can actually sleep without coughing all night. Get in. Watched Bourne Identity last night, it was really good. I still prefer The Assassin though with Bridget Fonda. She is the business.

Kids are all cool this morning. Child number 2 is giving out his party invitations today. 8 kids all going to the pictures and then coming back here. Should be fun. Will write more soon

Well, this is the end of my second day without smoking. I am really pleased with myself. I can actually breathe! Wow, how wierd.

I have been to the ozzy to visit my friend. She is in the pre-natal ward waiting for a section. Totally fed up and a bit tearful. Tried to cheer her up, so she is feeling a bit better now. Just wish it was all ove for her