my life

Oh my God! Went out on Friday night, all well. Went to our local and had a few COKES! Weel done me! Went back to our friends house for yet another coke and then came home about half twelve.

Went out on Saturday night for a meal with a friend of a friend. It was her works night out. We went for a meal and then went down the Marina. There were 12 of us and when we got there, we ordered out meal (as you do) and when it came it was pretty crap. A few of the girls had been on the Vodka for a few hours so were a bit drunk to say the least. One girl in particular started complaining, coz the food was cold and the manager was really stroppy. To cut a long story short, she announced that we weren't going to pay for any of the meals and that were f**kin' off! Oh my god. Well, as a few of you now know I do not drink anymore so I was sober as a judge. The manager came over and said 'so you girls are not paying for your meals then', and the reply is unpublishable. The manager then informed us that he was off to call the police. They all got up to leave and I stayed for a few seconds to help this poor oldish lady, who was probably about to have some sort of stroke, get up from the table. At this point, we were the only ones left. Although it was OK, because they group of girls were at the bar abusing the staff! Talk about a walk of shame! It was a good laugh though, looking back at it afterwards of course. I wouldn't have dared. The meal was only a fiver! I will probably be in prison over Christmas, so if you don't hear anything for a while, that is where I am! The funny thing was though, they took a 'large' bottle of Vodka out with them and ordered diet coke all night. They weren't even hiding it. When it was finished, one of the girls asked me to put the empty bottle in my bag. My bag is huge, so I didn't mind. So there I was, in the pub, on my own (well with this old lady who was in shock by this time) with an empty bottle of Vodka in my bag with the police on the way! How do I do it! Anyway, seems like we got away with it! No news is good news you know. I wouldn't care, my meal would have done me. I am used to eating the kids leftovers anyway. I came out of there absolutely starving. What a night!

Stayed in tonight. My balaclava was in the wash!

I am really pi@@ed off with this whole Christmas thing now. I feel like I am getting nowhere fast. I need to order 2 more bikes, but I don't have the money. God, I need to sort myself out. WHat is the matter with me. It is all a load of bollocks. Some kids get nothing.

I can remember when I was in care. I was living in my second foster home with the family from hell and it was Christmas time. They were absolutely loaded and the house was full to bursting with Christmas presents. You weren't allowed to touch anything though. The tree was so pristine that it could have been decorated my Harrods. I think they got someone in to do it. It was dark outside and it was Christmas eve. An old lady rang the doorbell. SHe was from the Rotary Club Charity. She handed me a parcel with green wrapping paper on it and a large tag with the Charity Logo on it. She said they had done a collection for children in care over the Christmas period and they had bought me a present. The foster family scoffed at this present 'as if we need charity'!

I opened it the next morning. It was a little burgundy hair dryer.

It was the best present I ever got. I kept it for years, even after it had broken.

When I was in the Children's home, you had an allocation of £50 to spend on Christmas presents for yourself. I can't remember what I bought.

After my mother died on Christmas eve when I was 12, Christmas just didn't have the same meaning to me. I hated it. I felt alone, empty, scared and as though my stomach was being torn out.

I have started to have flash backs from the 'good old days' in care. I blocked it out for a long time but I think I must be ready to deal with it all now. I was 13 when I went in coz my dad 'didn't want me anymore'. Although I think it was equally difficult for everyone, it doesn't feel like that at the time. My sisters got to stay home. Poor fuckers!

Well, this week is full of plays, carol services and parties. I missed a party for child number 5 on Saturday. My mobile went dead and it has all my reminders on it. It completely slipped my mind. I should have charged it really. Never mind.

The countdown in certainly on now. I am starting to panic a bit now. I checked Amazon and the delivery dates are quite close to Christmas now. I still have a load of stuff to come from eBay. I need to get some money out of the business, but with Christmas so near, all the customers are very slow to pay. Especially the larger engineering companies. They don't give a damn about the smaller companies. Especially the GT Group (payers from hell), yeah...hope your nose falls off Geoff!!! And that's not all!

Most of the money is tied up in material and cash flow is a bit of a nightmare at the moment. The VAT man is also sniffing about. I think we owe him about ten grand. Oh well, a stint in prison might not be a bad thing. A change is as good as a rest, so they say. (Where's my canoe)?

Hey, I went canoeing down the Ardeche in France when I was a nipper. 24 miles I did. I am quite handy with a paddle. Up shit creek and all that.

Well, that's it from me for now. See ya

Yeah, you guessed it. Still not drinking the poison that is alcohol. Well done me. I went out last night for the Business Centre Christmas Party to Tall Trees in Yarm. Ooh, v posh! I am suprised they let me in! I did set fire to the table cloth, but it wasn't really my fault. WHat a stupid idea to put a candle in the middle of the table full of crackers. Oh, and I had my meal and threw the whole lot back up in the toilets. Bargain. Best £32.50 I have ever spent, I don't think!

Been out tonight to a friends house for a drink (of coke). It is the first time I have been to their house and I went the wrong way down their street (one way system) and nearly smashed the car into a very angry man coming the other way. Never mind. I took four of the kids and they were really good. Very entertaining. Ste is out in the town, probably in Nexus by now sticking to the carpet.

God, I am nackered.

I have been wrapping Christmas presents today. I love doing it. I get the ribbon out and everything.

Well, ..........

I forgot to say earlier, I won a competition on the radio yesterday. I won some cinema tickets, but I couldn't tell you how many. I went on like a complete loon of course, screaming and the like. Made a complete arse of myself, as usual. Get in!!!!!!!!

Went to the gym again last night. There was a Boxercise class on and I thought it would be a good idea to participate. I think I need to review my good ideas, (note to self). My body feels like it has been beaten with a very large, heavy stick! Although it could have been a pogo stick with extra springs on. ALthough people who go to gigs and pretend to be teenagers again through the punk era, deserve everything they get. Mid life crisis? Ha ha ha Only Joking!

If I did panic, I would be by now. I have spent far too much on this thing that is Christmas and the Credit Card application has been declined. It is probably a good thing really, more debt isn't quite what we need right now. I think I am gonna have to have a re-think and the old story of 'Santa must have ran out of that toy' may well have to resurface, one thinks.

Oh well, what the helllll! I think eBay should be banned though. It is far too easy to spend, spend, spend! I can't even remember off hand what I have bought. Never mind.

As long as the kids are happy, we will just have to sort out the overspending later. I have heard on the grapevine that I am gonna win the lottery on the 8th of March next year, so we will have to just wait until then.

Oh sod it, they will just get what they get. Everyone else spoils them rotten anyway. My sister is really struggling for Christmas this year as they have just moved house and they haven't sold their old place yet. I have told her that I will buy my kids their presents from her and just give them to her to give to them on Christmas day. She is in a far worse situation than us at the moment and 5 kids are awfully expensive to buy for! OOh, AWFULLY, I sould like a right knob!

I think I am building up my Karma, is that how you spell it? It does feel good though. I like doing things for other people. Unless they are complete of course.

Well, I still haven't drank and of the poison that is Alcohol since my drinking accident! I am really proud od myself. I have lost more than half a stone as well. I could do with it though. Having 5 kids doesn't exactly flatter the figure if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I can't sit here all day spouting crap can I? Will read up on my little black sheep and see how he is getting on.