my life

Well it is Sunday. This time last week I was still unconcious. A litre of vodka does that to you apparently! I have decided to stop drinking all together. Not that I am an alcoholic or anything, but I really scared myself last weekend. I could have killed myself. I didn't know what I was doing. I still have memory loss over it all. I took the front of a taxi on apparently. The bills still hasn't turned up though! lol. I am a classic binge drinker I think. I go out on a weekend and drink as much alcohol as is put in front of me. I usually drink lager, but thought Vodka would be a good idea for some strange reason. WHen I have had a drink, my alter ego (Martha) comes to haunt me. She is very chewy and dryer in sense of humour than normal which which normally leads to upsetting more than a couple of people. SHe is also a terrible flirt. I could do without her for a while. I also miss a whole day on a weekend after a good drink and it puts me in a terrible mood. I am just wondering who I am trying to convince here! Tara

Oh my God. I can't believe it is Monday. I can remember going out on Saturday night, something about vodka, waking up with sick in my hair, a bump the size of a tennis ball on the back of my head and not able to move as my back is considered broken. I have cracked the base of my back and the only treatment for it is diazapam and 'keep active'! What the hell is that all about.

I am seriously never drinking again though. It could have been really dangerous. I am bruised from head to toe where Steven has tried to drag me in the house. You can see finger marks under my arms, bruises. I was throwing myself on the floor apparently. Oh, and I got a bill from the taxi coz I smashed his front head light. Urgh????? I can't believe I am admitting to all this. I should be locked up. Oh and I pissed myself in front of the fire coz I couldn't get my trousers off. Nice! I can't remember any of this of course. I am going back to bed now. See you Wednesday.

Oh, it is good to be back. The B£$%^&ds cut me off. Although not paying the bill didn't help. Hello first to my black sheep, I have not abandoned you and were wondering how you were getting on. I will have a look in a sec. And my little mkfunky. Hope you are a lot happier these days. God, I feel as though I have been missing forever! I am back with a passion!

Washing machine finally died and I have been without it for a WHOLE WEEK! I am demented. I know laundry is not one of most people's number one priorities, but with all the kids, the house is now overrun with dirty socks and the like who have adopted a life of their own. I am serious. Stinking isn't the word. They are EVERYWHERE! My God, what an exciting life I have. Tara for now anyway.

Child number 2 has got some friends coming over for his birthday at 2pm and the house is a shit hole. I am not tidying it up coz I can't be arsed. Steven can do it. He had been out all morning and I am fed up of tidying up all the time, like all the time.

Children numbers 3, 4 and 5 are running through the hall from room to room like screaming crazy people. It is quite funny really. I don't mind as long as they are not killing each other. They are playing the hunting giant castle game apparently. Sounds quite fun.

Child number 5 has managed not to poo himself yet this morning, so I will have that to look forward too. Oh joy. Oh, there goes the washing machine. It sounds like a road digger at the moment. The bearings are shot.

I am taking all these kids to the pictures for 2.45pm so they should be there for about 2 1/2 hours. Then on to Macdonalds for a processed lung, or two. I am not buying them sweets at the pictures, so I am prepared for a few snotty kids with something to say about that. I don't care, they can't scare me. I've got 5 kids. I am a pro at saying NO! Anyway, if I get them popcorn (or cockporn as child number 1 used to call it) they will only end up throwing it all over the place and getting barred out after 10 minutes and I am planning to get a good 2 hours peace out of this.

Ho hum.

My fag craving has gone anyway. I have had some toasties and a twirl (chocolate, not the dance version). It is always worse when I am hungry. Steven better hurry up coz he has a lot to do in less than an hour now. I mean, it is a complete shit hole. Big time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Am I cruel? Do I care?

I just keep telling him he is the best husband in the world. It works every time!

God, I so want a cigarette. The kids are at their screaming best and I am trying to make toasties in the kitchen, of which child number 2 doesn't like and that is where I usually smoke. Nightmare. Husband is on his way home from football with child number 1. I wish he would hurry up. This stopping smoking thing is really hard. Harder than I thought it would be. I thought it would get easier as the days went on but it is getting harder. I am using the patches so the nicitine is still in my body (read Allen Carr and all that). AArgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What is the bast way to catch a fish?

Stand straight opposite the person who is throwing at you!

I have had a day from hell at work. The junior stropped all afternoon coz she didn't have any money to go out on the razz. Full tantrums and the lot. God, I wasn't like that was I?

Child number 2's birthday tomorrow. He will be 11. I feel old all of a sudden. I am sure I am not supposed to be feeling like this at 33.

I still haven't had a cigarette. I can't believe I am onto my third day. It was really hard this morning, but I stuck at it, although I think I would have had one if I had had some in the house. Good job I threw them all out (and the bin man had been). I've done that before today.

Child number 3 has put stickers all over the keyboard and I can't type any more. Well obviously I can, but you know what I mean. I am totally disorientated.

I wonder if I win the Euro Lottery tonight.

Child number 3 is telling jokes. Get a load of these.

How to crabs communicate over long distances?
By Shell phone

What is a snake's favourite subject?
Hissssssssstory

WHat do you call a sick alligator?
An illigator

(Are you laughing yet?)

Why are soldiers scared of the dentist?
Because they hate the drill

Where did the minister go on holiday?
To the Hymn-alayas

Which part of the ship did the wrestler travel in?
The hold

WHat did the dog say when he sat on sand paper?
Ruff (Rough)

What goes clickerty clickerty plop?
A hairdresser falling into a swimming pool

Why did the pianist leave the dinner table?
Because he had to go for a tinkle

GET THE PICTURE?

Oh dear!

I am really struggling at the moment. I think I need to get out of the house. The little man is having his lunch and I just can't wait for him to finish so I can get out of here. This craving has been lasting about 15 minutes.

I think when I get in the car, I will be fine. I need to put my shoes on so will go and do that. God, I sound like a loon......

Well, the smell of cat piss has gone from the middle room. I think it was all in my imagination. This stopping smoking lark has revived my sense of smell and I think it is on overdrive.

This is my third day of not smoking and I am really pleased with myself. I had a really bad craving about 5 minutes ago, hence I am writing in my blog. It really helps.

I should really go shopping but I am still in my PJ's and can't be bothered to get dressed. I am at work at 1pm, so about 12pm will do I think, getting washed I mean, not shopping).

That's the good thing about blogs, you can just write a pile of rubbish if you want to and it doesn't really matter.

My washing machine is still dying. I think it only has about 3 hours to live. Poor thing.

Weel, can't sit here all day spouting crap can I?

Well, I am on to my third day of not smoking. I can actually sleep without coughing all night. Get in. Watched Bourne Identity last night, it was really good. I still prefer The Assassin though with Bridget Fonda. She is the business.

Kids are all cool this morning. Child number 2 is giving out his party invitations today. 8 kids all going to the pictures and then coming back here. Should be fun. Will write more soon